Of all things, my biggest fear and worst-case scenario actually was the truth. Leaving everything & everyone I once loved & heading off into the unknown with nothing more than the clothes I have on my back. . But honestly knowing that hes not here and that hes probably most likely in jail Im not stressed. so too continue my girlfreind is a stay at home mom who has no close friends where we live and is not going to school or work. I found this website while researching my complicated relationship with my husband of 2 years. Not just for him, but to everyone around me. I moved to my mothers the next day. However, after that I developed some major trust issues. Hi DrDeb, I met this guy many years ago in my working times. But i loved him. When love blends with hate, this is a case of ambivalence. Two weeks of miscommunication led to him pleading to take him back he told me that he wants me for the rest of his life and that he wants to marry me, something he had never told me. Night before she texts me that its formal. I keep ruminating on what Ive done. I told him I didnt want him talking to her and he stopped. Yes, it is normal for people who were hurt way too much as children to have developed numbness of one sort or another as a protective device. I think thats what happened. i have a situation i am not sure how to handle it its been about a week an a half so far my husband sit me down and told me the situation, he said i am not gonna leave at this point he said ill give you one more chance but if this situation happens again i am done, now neither one of us has ever cheated on the other and thats not what happen i said some things he didnt like about but he did find out that most of what he was told wasnt true, but heres the reason for this post he told me he would give me one more chance to change and he hasnt told me he doesnt love me anymore hes hasnt said anything like that to my face, a few days after we sat down and talked about our marriage crumpling down i seen a message he sent to a friend of ours and he told her he felt our marriage was like the titanic and then a few posts later or it might of been a few days after i didnt really look at the time and dates he messaged her telling her he is only staying with me cause of our sons sake, heres my problem why wont he just tell me the truth instead of lieing to me, i dont want to keep this going if he clearly isnt happy nor in love with me anymore, thats how i took it he told me one thing and told someone else something different, he doesnt talk ugly to me hes nice to me even when our son isnt around he does spend time with me, i understand hes hurt and upset with me and he has every right to be but i dont know if i should try and save my marriage if i am the only one that wants to save it, am i reading this the wrong way or am i reading it the right way and he doesnt want to be married to me anymore hes only doing it because of our 4 year old its not fair to him nor to our son if he clearly wants out, i dont know if he said it cause hes angry and hurt right now or if he really means what he said i am so confused on this matter i dont know what to say, like i said he hasnt told me hes not in love with me anymore i am really confused on which way he wants to go with me, i had a horrible childhood , never knew my parents, and i grew up without the knowledge of who they were and were they are and what happened to them, so it was not easy. Real life is so much more than sex and if a person wants REAL intimacy, then they have to be vulnerable. im full of anxiety because i feel i may have to make a decision once gain. well, I did X, why didnt he do Y? If you have some self-worth, you may temporarily be fooled into thinking that the lack of reciprocation of your love reveals a fundamental flaw in the other person. I am sure I will get it back. But till now I think does she want to be friends because we have a shared loan to pay off Im just confused cause what I did I just dont understand of what I did why would she want be friends after what I had did. I told him I could make a public apology but then I think that just draws peoples attention to it that may not have realized anything was going on in the first place. You need to investigate. So I we shopped for all that. I strongly believe life will be good to me. One day I was at work and he got angry not because if me, but he wanted to take it on me on the phone. We hardly ever see it coming. Yet we do not have to listen to The Persuaders' soulful vocals to know that love and hate can coexist. I feel so emotionally confused, angry, hurt, spiteful & a collection of other feelings. I have been unfaithful to my wife for 10 years. She said she needed to take two steps back, that she felt I needed time to figure out what I want, etc. never! We live together so see each other everyday and still get on fine for the 5 mins a day we forget about what has happened. Our relationship when we got back together two years ago was amazing. He found me using drugs three times. my story sounds very similar to alot of those ive read on the page, i recently felt my husband was different, Weve been married 5 years and together doe 11 years. Yet hes asking me to dismiss 11 Years of lies & deception which I find completely unacceptable! Please help! We have more information about what to do in a crisis at https://www.goodtherapy.org/in-crisis.html. Ive been trying to research these and understand him more. He is someone from my past that I used to fool around with. It only happens once in a while, like when i hear a song that reminds me of her. He needs help. A therapist sees you with more objective eyes than you see yourselves. Shes started to talk to me a bit but is obviously not interested in talking about getting back together. Its the excitement of the new relationship. Well, there is a way. No man should ever cheat on a woman and actually brag about it to her face. I know I love her with every ounce of my being, but throughout the relationship, I managed to abuse her physically and mentally. Dr. Deb with all this being the case can I prove to him that was not truly me and I can make him happy. Were you afraid of him? I leave for a week long work trip and ramp up my positive sweet texts to her and she just seems distant and not typical of herself, but just gives me enough for me not to question things openly. But the guy himself, uh-uh. I do not think that I had ever let the past go from my Dad to my sons DNA donor and because I didnt think that I loved my husband henceforth he could never hurt me. What can I do to show him hes my everything. Why would the woman I love take something from my past and stab me in the back with it? But my boyfriend and i decided to try and fix things. But what i wana knw how can a man says he love u but when u ask.him ? Even after all the things he has said. Take action instead of ruminating in guilt. But I dont know what to do anymore. I have been in a relationship with my husband for almost 8 years and almost 6 years of being married. She says shes numb? Several years later he was talking to my son and said that he saw a girl he had gone to school with and had he known she would end up looking like that. when i talk he will reply i know but i guess he needs sometime? Especially since it is only recently in which Ive started to figure out who I really am, beyond the grasp of my controlling family and safety blanket. I felt hed do it all over again. Is this normal to feel this way? OK let me know what you think of my situation, I am married with 3 kids and have an amazing wife and most things were great apart from I was a manic depressive, I hurt my wife for a long time and although was never violent it was torture for her. I never said that. Enjoy an aquarium Only now, when it is too late, do I realise how selfish I was. Any advice or suggestions will be very welcomed and acceped. Come to find out my husband has been in a relationship since June of this year with his co worker. I just couldnt go away your web site prior to suggesting that I extremely enjoyed the standard information a person provide for your guests? 14: Try going on a bike ride together When you are experiencing this, it can leave you feeling lost and confused, hurt and angry, while simultaneously making your head swim with nostalgic thoughts. I see her on Saturday night and she holds me and says I feel great to her, but she seems distant. I told her that if this is what she needs to do then we will do it. It is the basis of love and loyalty. Hi Ann, You yourself cant figure out why you love him. That eventually died down and now we barely talk. I have just been dumped by my soulmate. If I hurt him, Im sure my behavior could lead to hurting friends and family if I dont change for the better. i want to keep the house, he doesnt, its so unfair. Isnt it funny that he showers you with gifts and suddenly wants to marry you AFTER you had sex? Hi IDK He texts me every day, telling me to have a wonderful day and that he loves me. finally 1 month before our 9th year anniversary i had enough after him coming home wasted and getting aggresive with me. She said my ex would be back if I gave her time but idk if I believe that. For example he was working out of town and he stated that he had no service in the casino/area he was in and didnt get in contact with me for few hours. Thank you. He has 3 kids from 3 different women and he sees none of them. I want that unconditional love, that I see people have and when I have dealt with this jealousy for so long, I have quit talking and keep to myself just to solve the problem with all my friends and family at times it fixed things for awhile but it always came back worse, and now I have a broken heart that I have no idea how to fix it. But if you made a habit of lying and getting caught, that would explain why your ex hates you. He would flirt with other women in front of me and constantly made sexual comments about other women both to me and in front of me. She wants you to be happy with your own self and life. He used to be a very emotional manhe would cry sometimes just because he loved me so much. How can you possibly fall in love with such a person again? she told me she wants to be friends and it was really hard to break up with me but she had to and a part of her still loves me but she doesnt feel the same, is it possible without seeing her or talking to her she will change her mind and come back to me? Now, the first time I trust him again he breaks boundaries I had thought I set (yes she can please you, does not mean yay sexy free for all). Do you think I could ever love him again? But I dramatically reduced contact with her. I love him very much,, i think i did for the past years but not anymore One thing that bothers me is that i cant break up whith him and i dont know why Even though iv fallen out of love in him. The Emotionally Distant Husband marriagemissions.com/the-emotionally-distant-husband/ i left him for a year, during that year he became more responsable got a better job that he was motivated about and he was giving the kids a real dad. When it came to promotion time he went to the I love u and miss u stage. It got to the point to where when hed yell my anxiety would spike and i would get so nervous I couldnt speak. Cheating and lying could have gone together. All purchases are on my bill. It took me a lot of time to understand what she meant and what i was doing wrong, and by the time i did she felt distant from me and cheated on me emotionally with another guy. If he comes to the conclusion that he does want to try to make this work, how do I get over all of the hurt and betrayal? Just in June we were looking at engagment rings. At the end of the day I will never give into the anxiety and let it win. theres this guy liked me and we both fell in love with each other but its been like that we were 7 months together. HE drinks but YOU have to be more affectionate? Unfortunately with social media, hes brought it to a whole new level. He has stated emphatically that it is over. It is normal for people to be attracted to someone of the opposite sex whom they dont know very well. I was, for the last few months selfish and stuck in my own problems. Because his confidence in me was shaken, me stepping back and letting him process things, it helped. I mean three months ago. I have been married for 14 years, the first two was bliss, I was attentive always wanted sex it was awesome. Ive been telling him its over, treating him badly. How do I fix this? I have gone through difficult situations of betrayal with him and I lost trust in him then slowly we started in what you described as falling back in love and regaining that trust. While Im doing my best to have hope for us repairing the damage I caused, Im lost on what to do when we do talk again. Is partner one right in thinking it should just b done? But He does that for this co worker and they talk on the phone throughout the day for 2 to 3hrs. My heart is ripped apart. She wont give me a second chance. You can check the GoodTherapy.org directory for someone in your area here:https://www.goodtherapy.org/find-therapist.html. The first step to letting go is knowing how to do it. I realized that my empty promises were never going to work and I didnt want them to. Gigi you asked about emotional intimacy outside of marriage. kids need their own home surrounded by their own familiar things and focus on yourself and them. I never felt safe and I never felt grounded. I truly do not want this and I want to love her the way she deserves to be loved, but it is sooooo hard to let go of the control and leave it up to what will be. I wish you the best of luck in your relationships. If you're this miserable, it's time to end things. To the best of my knowledge, friend could actually mean herself. What is good about your bf? Etc, etc. If my daughter wants to watch three movies, and I want to watch one, we might end up watching two. I got pregnant again in September and lost that on in November:(! We shook hands, and said to each other, we will try to do marriage counseling and I have contacted a counselor, and I am in the process of setting up our first appointment. The way I said it he thinks Im prpud of what I did which is not true seriously. With nothing more than the clothes I have been in a while, like when I talk will. To try and fix things boyfriend and I didnt want him talking to her he. 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